My Name is Candy, and I'm a Klutz

Is there a 12-step program for people like me?  You know, people that trip over nothing and can almost cut their finger off with a piece of toilet paper.  I swear, I have a sign on me that only ghosts and ghouls and accident causing things can read and it says, "She's easy--the tiniest thing and she'll get hurt!"  Yep, that's me.

At this moment, I can count 4 injuries/bruises on my body that most people can't claim has ever happened to them.  I have 2 bruises on my arm and a bruise with a scratch on my back from falling out of our camper (and I was sober).  I have 2 scrapes and a bruise on my foot because our 90 lb puppy was standing on it when Andy threw a towel into the dirty clothes pile; Marley got scared and used my foot to pivot and push off of in her retreat from the scary towel.  My foot is still tender and bruised from tripping over, and then kicking, the vacuum cleaner over a week ago.  And last, but certainly not least, I bit my tongue so bad yesterday that it bled for 5 minutes.  What was I doing?  Singing in church.  I wasn't chewing gum, I wasn't eating, I was singing.

This is something that I've grown used to, and everyone around me has as well.  I have scars on my body from falling off my husband's shoulders when he slipped in oil, getting hit in the leg with a running chainsaw, being kicked in the shin by a horse with a rock stuck in it's hoof, tripping on someone else's foot, crashing my bike, falling off swings, tripping down stairs, slicing off the tip of my finger with a meat saw...if there's a way to hurt yourself, I've done or will do it.  That's not a promise, that's a guarantee.  I've often told Andy that he could probably beat me and no one would think otherwise.  "Here comes Candy and she's covered in bruises, what else is new?"

So are there others out there like me, besides people in my family (it seems to be inherited...sorry Alayna, Lilly & Mikayla!) ?  Seriously, I need an intervention or something. But I'd probably walk into the door where the intervention was being held and smash my nose or stub my toe.  At the very least I'd get a paper-cut from the pamphlet that's handed out.