The other day, a friend and I were catching up and talking about our families. I remembered that her SIL was due to have a baby any day, so I asked about them. My friend told me all about her new niece and then told me something that has stuck with me ever since, like a record with a scratch, skipping over and over and over. "She says they aren't going to have any more kids, she just can't do it. But she won't have him have a vasectomy because she doesn't want to ruin his future chances for more children with someone else, just in case." Silence. I caught my breath and asked, "In case something happened to her, like she were to die?" And she replied, "I asked the same thing and she said no, in case they don't stay together."
Wow. I cannot imagine planning for the future and having that just in case looming in the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive. I know that things happen and sometimes, people just can't stay together. Something happens that the other person simply cannot forgive. But I also know that too often, people simply won't forgive or take the time and effort needed to work through things. Divorce or separation is the easier, sometimes less painful option. But I couldn't imagine planning for that, or even kinda sorta planning for that, to happen in my own marriage. I can't imagine being so bleak about my future with my husband and children. I can't imagine living without him someday.
My marriage is not perfect. We argue about the laundry and bills and garbage like everyone else. We have days where the last thing we have time for is eachother. We sometimes say things that we don't necessarily mean or feel. But never have I (nor my husband, I asked him) felt like I needed to plan for that just in case. We have our arguments, and we talk them over or just forget about them, as they aren't important sometimes. We do our best to have 3 mins before we fall asleep at night to at least say, "How was your day?" and "I love you" on those crazy days. We do our best to strengthen our relationship each chance we get, sometimes in grand ways and other times in only a split second hug or peck on the cheek. We are honest and open with one another, sometimes almost painfully so. But we work toward a common goal--our family, our marriage, our happiness. And that's a gift that I continue to unwrap every day.
Emily is asking us to unwrap a gift of something special, unexpected or beautiful each Tuesday. What are you unwrapping today?
Our Life with 3 Daughters...and lots of animals, plenty of frustration, and tons of love.
10 comments:
This post has made me cry. I think because I just read an article about Patrick Swayze and his wife and how they were high school sweethearts and their lives were woven together with love and commitment and lots and lots of time and pressure, ups and downs. And now he is gone. I did not get the sense that either of them ever had 'just in case' in the back of their minds. I can't imagine having that, either. Thanks for encouraging me to text my husband a sweet nothing :)
Oh my. How could one live like that? It breaks my heart. But it reminds me to unwrap my gift of relationship with my husband.
Oh, good for you. Bless you.
Having been married for 24 years, I can tell you that sometimes marriage is really, really hard. We've lived through some rough times. But I didn't marry him with the idea that I'd keep my options open just in case things didn't work out. You know what? Things haven't worked out the way I planned. But I'm sure grateful to be here. Sounds like you are, too.
Amen, sister.
did you hear me gasp when you said "just in case?" i know... it is just the way the world is. and something that makes me so sad. that someone would even include that one breath of doubt into their life... kind of like almost living. it makes a great case for choosing to live each to to the fullest!
Thank you for reflecting for us to read!
My husband and I have had 21 years of glorious and monotonous and petty. The disposal marriages make me sad. But it also makes me more grateful. I can't imagine having that little dark corner casting shadows on everything.
Oh, that breaks my heart. Marriage is no easy task, but I can't imagine going through it with any 'just in case' thoughts.
I can understand why that statement stuck with you. It really is a sad, bleak thought. I'm so with you on this--grateful for a marriage that hangs on in spite of the crazy, the difficult, the petty, the selfishness--and never plans on the just in case.
oh wow. that is so sad...it's like the out is already there because she verbalized it. ugh.
We have been through some stuff that some would divorce over--but God has redeemed those mistakes and we have a stronger marriage for the work we have done together. I'm thankful that those words "just in case" are not a part of my marriage.
okay I'm gonna nit pick you, but I don't think Divorce or seperation is ever the 'easier option'. I think a lot of times in life it takes a lot more strength to let go. I'm not saying anyone should have that as a backup plan, its writing your own destiny to fail. How sad.
But I also know that all the divorcees I know are so sad. Maybe not bitter or hurt anymore but its never easier to go that route. Its a whole other kind of hard to risk a greater happiness by giving up a marriage that didn't work. More often I see couples in bad places (cheating, abuse, etc) who don't leave because the unknown is too 'hard'. Well its scary and much harder but its not less. Anyway, I know thats not your point. Planning to fail is awful.
Post a Comment